Birthday

Sorry, birthdays' are just not the same after you hit 30. I find myself torn between wanting people to know and not wanting people to ask my age. When someone does try to figure how old I am they invariably guess me five years younger. I want to keep it that way. I would prefer ten years younger but I will take what I can get!

I normally go home to see my parents when my b-day comes around but because of the fragility and changes they were going through, I went to see them a month early. I really don't feel lonely this time around. I received four calls today, went out yesterday with a friend to Quang's and looked at the house she just bought and wants me to move in. I did my volunteer work with my artist friend. (A four hour stint). Received four birthday cards and a $50.00 check.

the winter of life

The winter of life. That is what my mother is calling this time in her life. She is 84, my dad is 90. I tried to talk the season back. "No, it's your autumn. It is October." She says it is November. That sounds too much like the end to me. December just around the corner and then what? The great beyond, death. It is just so final. I enjoy talking to my mom. To know I cannot just chat with her even, like I do now. It's unfathomable.

My friend Gia's mother is in the process of shutting down and dying. It happened quickly with her. Gia left work in tears. Her mother cannot get up anymore, can barely speak. It is devastating to behold. I will be a mess when it happens to me. I have no idea how I will even operate at work. I had better get off this topic or I will be unable to sleep tonight.

stranger on a bus

The other day a guy on the bus turned around and started telling me his life story. Not his life from childhood on but his present life. I was surprised because everyone is so reserved here in this state. What made him suddenly start talking? Is he not from here? I actually like it when strangers talk to me. I want to know what is behind the blank masks of the people on the bus and the streets and in the stores. As long as they are not asking me for money or sex (which seems to be the primary reason I am approached), I am happy to listen.

He showed me pictures of his baby, talked about living with the baby's mother but not being intimate because they had broken up. Complained about people being judgmental about their age gap. (Nine years - I don't think age should be a big deal as long as both people are happy). He is a stripper for gay clubs. Goes on road trips sometimes to Wisconsin. Works the bars on Hennepin Avenue. If he hadn't told me I never would have guessed. He was muscular and fit. I may have thought he was a construction worker or some other laborer. Rather intense. Said he would never do drugs because he wanted to be a good father to his little girl. Good for him. I hope he stays true to that.

Now who will I meet next? The bus and bus stops seem to be the best place as far as I am concerned. We just had a blizzard though. The colder it is outside, the colder the people are. They take on the weather's characteristics.

different yet the same

For the heck of it I took one of those personality profiles on the web. I have taken various ones before. They all seem to run along the same lines. This one said:

"You are very shy and often misunderstood. Innocent, sweet and artistic, you like to pass your days by daydreaming and expressing yourself through the arts. You are truly a unique individual. Unfortunately, you are quite lonely, and few people truly understand you".

More accurate than not, it is both flattering and depressing.